Nigerian zombie, Winston St George Ndead was recovering this morning in Burnley General Hospital following a ferocious attack upon his person by a group of drunken humans on Yorkshire Street in the town centre.
Bystanders relate that Winston was minding his own business as he lurched upon his way towards Burnley FC's Turf Moor Ground, when a group of drunken revellers spilled out of the Princess Regal pub and set about him with great gusto.
"I've no idea why it kicked off like it did," one bystander told reporters. "But they didn't half give him a damned good leathering."
A dazed, bloodied, and somewhat confused Winston told the press in the early hours:
"I was on me way up the Park View looking for some brains to eat, when this mob poured out of the pub. Then one of them - a girl with corned beef legs, wearing a leopard print miniskirt, and with an aroma of halibut about her - challenged me by asking where I was from. When I told them that I was a Nigerian man, they blamed me for every internet scam going, and set about me with terrible vigour. I was helpless, unable to tear my gaze from the girl's ample if somewhat wrinkled cleavage. It's a fair cop that they rumbled me, because I am actually responsible for a sizable proportion of Nigerian based internet scams, but I never thought that Burnley people would twig. I thought I was on safe ground. Come to think of it, I should never have gone to Burnley looking to eat brains."
More as we get it.