Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 7 December 2011

image for Government outline new environmental policy for businesses
The delegates discuss paper usage in Nuneaton

The ConDem coalition has completed the final draft of its new environmental policy for businesses.

"The aim is to save resources, energy and time," said Minister In Charge Of Environmental Review Proceedings, Richard Wadd. "Following this policy will save the economy, the environment and the panda."

Although the document is seventeen hundred pages thick, Wadd could summarise it.

"It boils down to three key tenets," said Wadd. "Firstly, avoid unnecessary travel. Secondly, recycle as much as possible. Finally, only use the minimum resources you need to complete a job."

The governmental environmental policy has taken three years to complete, and has involved people from all over the UK and those protectorates that have not yet announced their Independence. Once a week, the five hundred people involved would descend on Nuneaton near Birmingham.

"Each and every one of these people was vital," said Wadd. "Although some of them would have to fly in from places like Orkney, the Falklands and Telford."

At the end of each meeting, the notes would be put together by a staff of fifteen hundred personal assistants, and constructed into a document that was posted to each of the delegates.

"It was suggested that we use email, or a central server," said Wadd. "That wouldn't have worked. Most of the delegates don't like these electronic gizmos, and prefer to read the document in paper form. Obviously, some weeks there'd be very few changes, but I'm sure they all read all of the documents each week ahead of the next meeting."

Wadd believes that this will be the last committee of it's kind.

"In line with the government's new policy on environmental issues," said Wadd, "we could not possibly gather that number of people in one place and issue them with seventeen hundred sheets of A4 each week. It would contravene everything we came up with."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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