Written by Joe Leff
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Monday, 5 December 2011

image for Pedestrian dies after being hit by seven cars

Cheers turned to tears after a series of 'accidents' on the A58 near Halifax - all involving the same pedestrian.

Brad Lee Bruzed was well-known in the area as a prolific jay-walker. According to friends and relatives he was attempting to beat the British record for 'being hit by the most vehicles in 1 hour'. The current record is nine, and is held by 'Iron Man' Ivor Rubberbum - a notorious drunkard often seen lunging off the pavements in Birmingham.

The first car - a Reliant Robin - merely ruffled Mr. Bruzed's hair. But the next vehicle was a taxi, which knocked him over - and then stopped to pick him up. After a brief argument, Mr. Bruzed stormed off - right into the path of a 4x4. Mr. Bruzed shouted back with four of his own 4-letter words.

After several more cars had hit him, the seventh - a hearse - left Mr. Bruzed flattened in the road. Apparently he was still alive, but the hearse reversed and ran over him again. "We thought a body had slipped out the back of the hearse", said the undertakers.

Even if he had survived, Mr. Bruzed would have been disqualified in his attempt at the record, because " it is an offence to lie in the road when a hearse is reversing", said a local policeman, shrugging his shoulders as if this was just another normal day around here.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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