The Pandas, exported from China to Scotland on a trial marriage, have shocked their zoo keepers by saying they do want any 'hanky panky' because everyone is watching them.
Zoo keeper Angus McTavish feared the experiment in getting the Pandas to mate was in danger of falling through. 'It is either too cold or the accommodation is not up to scratch. After all, they are a honeymoon couple so are a bit on edge.'
Panda psychologist Mac Duff has been called in to give a helping hand, but he was not optimistic. 'I can only do so much' he confessed 'we have a lot to learn about Panda psychology.'
Now, another shock has hit Scotland. Bamboo imports required by the Pandas are way above the limit set by the UK Government 'in these times of extreme austerity'. Scottish Nationalists are furious about the 'Sassenach Sabotage' and are claiming the Panda's are in the top 1% of the nation and should be allowed anything they want.
But Nick Clegg has come out against the Pandas. 'I am tired of failed Pandas getting preferential treatment' he told a Conference of City Bankers.
However hope lies with David Cameron who wants to give his City friends a leg up and sees a way of encouraging the Pandas to mate. The fate of the Coalition of the Pandas is now bound up with next election campaign.