Written by mikewadestr
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Topics: Royalty

Monday, 5 December 2011

image for British Royals Cheer the Newly Arrived Pandas, Thank goodness for New Blood
Can I play Charades instead of tiddlywinks.

For those of us who are tired of the inbred blue-blood look that kind of reminds those of us on the other side of the pond of a Deliverance movie with robes and crowns, which kind of might be the same as a New Orleans French Quarter party, we all welcome the addition of Tian Tian and Yang Guang. If you think that that is the name of the next Pokemon cartoon, well you are really wrong.

Tian Tian and Yang Guang are the newest members of the Edinburgh zoo, which is pretty much the same as being a member of the British Royal Family without the fact that they do not have to play tiddlywinks with Prince Phillip, which may or may not be better than playing "hide the weenie" with Queen Elizabeth II.

When translated into the English language, Tian Tian means "sweetie" and Yang Guang means "sunshine". It's been rumored that the Royals were quite disappointed at the translation. They had thought all along that it meant "Pork" and "Beans".

The Royals, and everyone else, feel that the addition of the two new members should help British Royalty into alleviating those oversized jaws which come from interbreeding between an already stagnant and overused gene pool. For the sake of everyone the new royal offspring will now be cute and fuzzy with long snouts and black moist noses which definitely beats being skinny and hairless and the color of bad paste.

The offspring's black eyes will give the new Royals a sense of toughness which has been lacking ever since King Henry VIII kicked the bucket.

What gives the pandas and added advantage is the fact that, while they came as a couple, neither one of them is particularly fond of the other, unlike British Royalty as a whole.

It looks like there will be a lot of bamboo served at royal functions nowadays as well as generous portions of panda cakes with panditas jumping out of them, that is as long as Yang Guang can handle the beating from Tian Tian. But, don't for a minute think that this will change anything. Prince Charles has already sent Yang Guang a love note, not realizing Yang Guang is a male.

On the other hand, maybe he did know that Yang Guang is a male.

More on this story if the author is not assassinated first. Either that, or be forced to marry a Royal.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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