New anti-obesity laws that came into force at the start of December have rendered some cherished Christmas traditions politically incorrect.
"The 'F' word has become more objectionalble than the 'N' word, the 'C' word or the 'G' word," said BNB Leader, Mick Griffin. "Idioms and songs are having to be hastily rewritten to exclude the 'F' Word."
The BNB, British Nanny Brigade, was set up in 2004 to counter what they see as the increasing nanification of Britain by the politically correct brigade (PCB).
"You now have to say, 'Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fed more'," said Griffin. "Which is frankly ridiculous."
Fortunately, for the Festive Public, there aren't that many changes to traditional rhymes, idioms and cracker jokes, but the effects will be felt across the year, with Mardi Gras becoming Mardi Surpoids. In Bingo, the number eighty eight will henceforth be known as two apple-shaped ladies, and the number eight will be one apple-shaped lady. The original suggestion of perpendicular infinity was rejected as being too highbrow for most bingo goers.
According to the BNB, if the PCB get their way, the 'F' word would be completely removed from the English language. Words like father, fate, infatuate, fatigue and unfathomable will all have to be substituted for alternate words containing zero fat.
"They have to be stopped!" cried Griffin. "It's political correctness gone outside the norms of standard cognitive functions!"