Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 29 November 2011

image for Movember a tashtastic success
George Michael regrets not spending longer on his tash

The annual event that is Movember has been a massive success this year. Organisations the length and breadth of the UK have seen moustaches sprouting on millions of faces all in aid of prostate cancer research.

"The entertainment Movember winners this year," said Harry Lippe, organiser of the event, "were the Chuckle Brothers. Their moustaches have been something to behold. It's about time they shaved them off and gave somebody else a shot at the title."

According to some reports, the Chuckle Brothers have glued squirrels to their top lips, but Movember organisers have shown this not to be the case by tugging very hard at the Chuckle Brother's moustaches with many a comedy prat fall and scream of agony.

Most football clubs in the country have got involved, with tashes the likes of which not seen since the moustache heyday of the 1980s.

"Fortunately," said Lippe, "there has not been a return of the perm. So while it looks bloody ridiculous, it doesn't look like teams of child botherers. Everton Football Club are this year's Movember Team Winner. Although, many of them are Scousers and traditionally able to grow massive moustaches."

The Women's Institute have won the Group Moustache award, with WI members across the UK growing lip hair for charity.

"It's been fun," said Maureen Tipple, Dorking WI chair. "My husband says it tickles during fellatio, so it'll be coming off in December."

Although the Women's Institute will be making their own below-the-nose hair removal wax (with prizes for the most aromatic, effective and colourful), sales of Nair, Veet and pre-waxed strips are set to sky rocket in the next few days.

The Fourth St Lytham's Scout Troupe in Fylde have won the Children's Moustache award, with a surprising number of nine year old children able to grow a tash that could be used to hide another small child in. Special Movember badges have been awarded to the winners.

"The moustaches are very useful," said troop leader, Arthur "Clover" Garlic. "You can trim them off and use them for kindling."

"The outright Moustache Grower of Movember for 2011," said Lippe, "is Katie Price, for her moustache in her Comic Relief Freddie Mercury Tribute."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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