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Monday, 28 November 2011

image for Chancellor to deliver Autumnwatch Statement
Putting the 'bad' back into badger: expect Osborne's Autumnbotch Statement to be a shokka!

London - An anonymous Whitehall tweet has confirmed that there'll be bad news about badgers, split beavers and louse hatchlings - all rumored to feature in George Osborne's Autumnwatch Statement in the Commons tomorrow.

The Chancellor will discuss the GlibDem/Tory Coalition's natural survivors as they forage for ideas on how not to bankrupt the country this winter.

"Don't expect to hear about the survival of the Great Sloth of Whitehall," an aide of Justice Secretary Ken Clarke admitted.

"Ditto about Nick 'the Sitting Duck of Drowning Street' Clegg - and his band of bad-tempered grouse, scheduled for a late winter cull soon after the Solstice."

London SW1 insiders also reckon Osborne will also focus on the timeless magic of the UK coastline - and marvel at Crown Estate rights to all sea bed's $$$$s hydrocarbons.

And in a follow-up questions-and-answers session it's expected he'll use a tried and tested Autumnwatch Unsprung formula to focus on the flight patterns of Canary Wharf bankers soon after annual bonus cheques start to bounce.

Twitcher Bill Oddie is 104.

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