Anglesey - The retirement of RAF Sea King helicopters means Wills and other search/rescue pilots are on the scrapheap - unless they're re-employed by private contractors bidding for the government contract.
Whitehall rumors reckon that carriers such as Ryan Heir, QueasyJet and the Pyongyang Mile High Club can now enter the tendering process for emergency rescue missions in the UK.
A statement from the MoD today said 'jolly bad luck but that's life, matey' as redundancy terms were being negotiated with the 100-strong team of chopper pilots and crew.
At Buckingham Palace tonight the mood was grim as courtiers fought back tears for their wannabe hero Wills.
A new career path is being hammered out for the impostor princelet including 'search n rescue ice cream van driver,' something that's bound to be popular with proles everywhere.
Another option might be 'emergency rescue black cab driver' - coming to the aid of stranded past-it royals too stupid and/or brain-dead to find their own way home after a night on the tiles.
At their bijou Anglesey hideaway tonight Kate told Wills that he must get a new job pronto because she's damned if she's to shack up with him in some Council House hellhole - never mind bring brats into the world whose dad's on the dole.
Plans for Pippa Middleton to be a forklift driver are still in the pipeline despite 'daft' rumors of a $400,000 book deal on upwardly mobile social climbing techniques and related, er, stuff.