NHS hospitals are giving their patients foods which have travelled half way around the globe, are half-cooked, unfit for human consumption, but "lethally cost-effective". This new directive is a means of slashing costs drastically and creating a rapid turn-over of patients.
Initially, it may seem very costly importing crap food from all over the planet, but there is a hidden NHS agenda. Long-term patients given the food will die quicker, thus automatically speeding up the cycles of patient turnovers, more patients mean more dosh and the quicker they're shoved out the better.
Ageing, long-term patients who detest and reject the food are being force-fed by nurses and locally sourced products bought by relatives for their loved ones have been banned.
A NHS spokeswoman, Dame Sweeney-Todd, when confronted with the astronomical costs of importing such garbage gave the following answer:
"We at the NHS are doing everything in our power to poison our patients quicker, slash waiting lists, free clogged up beds and generally by feeding them Asian garbage we are actually saving the country billions!" PM David Cameron agrees, but he goes to a private hospital when ill, so what!
Dame Sweeney-Todd is to receive her MBE at the following Queen's birthday celebrations!