Doctors are warning patients to avoid weak ends if they want to live a bit longer.
Chairman of the British Medical Association, Dr Timeoff, declared quite openly that being ill could be a problem if you were vulnerable with weak ends. 'Not only having diarrohea and vomiting at the same time but being in such a state on a Saturday or Sunday is asking for trouble' he yawned.
Urgent messages have gone out to all hospitals to take care of weak ends at weekends but senior Doctors are unimpressed. 'If people can't be ill when I am available' said one, who wished to remain anonymous 'they cannot expect to recover'. Dr Timeout (not related to Dr Timeoff) felt anyone who could not control their motions at weekends was beyond the pail.
The Minister of Health, Angela Lansbury - currently to be seen in a smash hit video available free at all good Hospitals - said the NHS was trying to cope with several problems. 'Candles burning at bot ends can be a problem' he admitted 'but ejections from top and bottom are another matter. People should learn to control themselves and wait for Monday morning to be weak at both ends.'
Maureen Puke, who fell ill on a Friday night and was rushed to Hospital to be seen by a very Junior Doctor and almost died because he gave her a dose of syrup of figs, declared 'I will always avoid weekends in future.'