A new survey has revealed that British women are the fattest in Europe, and that British men are the second fattest (after Malta, who don't really count). PM David Cameron welcomed the report, saying, "This proves the recession is truly over and the people are all well-fed."
The report is likely to further encourage so-called "chubby chaser holidays", in which tourists from countries which don't have so many fat people visit the UK to have a lecherous look at the wobbly bits of tubby Brits. Earlier this month there was a scandal when a group of Indian tourists were trapped in a nightclub with 37 morbidly obese Geordie women amid claims of sex tourism.
There are other economic advantages to being a nation of blobby blubber-butts. The chair industry is expecting a boom in orders, as are bed reinforcement workers.
Health officials have expressed concern though. "Fatness is not something to be joked about. We shouldn't laugh at pie addiction or humungous chavs who can't even leave their mobile homes. It's not these people's fault that they're overweight. Obviously people in other countries must be cheating about their obesity statistics, or else they don't suffer from the same genetic conditions that cause people to develop into roly-poly lard-arses. For example, elephantitis of the beergut."
Another worrying incident happened this week on Great Yarmouth beach when a Norwegian whaling ship attempted to harpoon a heavyset flabster who was bathing too close to the shoreline.