Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Tattoos, Chinese

Friday, 25 November 2011

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Shit For Brains? That'll Be £200 Plus VAT Sir!

A shocking new survey has revealed that 98% of fashionable Mandarin lettered tattoos are actually insults, in Mandarin, directed at the tattoo wearer.

In typically xenophobic mode, former BNP member Peter Patriot (Name changed by deed poll.) was prompted to find out the exact meaning of some of the most popular tattoos which use Chinese lettering, because he doesn't understand Chinese, and he suspected that the Chinese were up to no good.

Patriot recruited Burnley takeaway tycoon, Jim Wing, originally from Hong Kong, to look at, and interpret the true meanings of the ornate tattooed scripts, which have been fashionable for some time now. Wing's translations shocked and horrified Patriot, and will without doubt upset a great many people who have been tattooed in lettering whose meaning they are unable to interpret.

According to Jim Wing, the most popular tattoo in Chinese script is supposed to read; "I'm A Lover Not A Fighter" - but to a Chinese reader, it actually says: "Look At Me - I'm A Proper Dickhead."

One mortified tattoo wearer, who thought he had a tattoo of his wife's name in Chinese lettering, discovered that the legend tattooed on his inner forearm in ornate Chinese characters, actually translates as: "I Married A Right Slapper."

It seems that football fans have come off worst. Whilst Jim Wing confirmed that the letters used actually did, in most cases, state the preferred club's name in Chinese, it was usually followed by the suffix "Are Dog Shit" in Chinese.

"It's a bit daft really," Jim Wing told reporters. "They could be writing anything on your body, and you'd never know it unless you came into my chip shop and got me to translate it for you."

The revelation may explain why so many Chinese business studies university students appear to be constantly chuckling to themselves.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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