London - "Faustian dichotomy, innit mate," is how one legal source described the task facing Lord Justice Leveson's probe into Red Top hacking today.
Assorted celebrity dross 'is lining up to vent its spleen' at the government-choreographed whitewash triggered by the departure of Andy Coulson as head of No 10's PR machine.
The current roll call of Z-Lister also-rans could trawl the depths early next week with gut-wrenching testimony from convicted Tory perjurers 'like Jeffrey Archer and Jonathan Aitken' according to an insider tip-off.
Televised proceedings mean the public may be treated to these ex-jailbirds' angst at being rubbished in the tabloids following successful Red Top snooping of their sleazy phone calls.
However critics reckon it's all a sinister sideshow to steer attention away from ex-News of the World editor Andy Coulson and the shadowy government empire that runs alternative intelligence gathering.
"In KGB terms they did a brilliant job," a former MI5 operative said this afternoon, "but screwed up big-time on technical stuff.
"Wanna see vids of Aleister Campbell sexing up that WMD dossier that lead to the creation of new Iraqi pipelines from massive oilfields near the Kuwaiti border?"
Tony Blair is 69.