Parents of girls growing up in a "moral abyss" where being dressed in "mini-me" sexy clothing and wearing make-up is acceptable should make a bee-line for the M11 out of Essex at their earliest convenience, a schools leader has said.
Girls School Association Head, Dr Helen Wright, urged parents serious about fighting for their daughters moral fibre to relocate to other British counties where standards are somewhat higher.
'Just looking around at young girls in the moral melting pot that is Essex, seeing them dressed up like miniature sex objects from nursery upwards is a distressing sight,' Dr Wright told reporters.
'Its a terrifying thought that in this unwholesome county more criticism is generated for displaying a degree of moral etiquette commensurate with being a responsible parent than of flagrantly pandering to media stereotypes.'
'Young girls feel the pressure of seeing their best mate Tamara coming into school coated in make up and lipstick with fake tan up to and no doubt over the white of their eyeballs.'
'If parents have not got the discipline to say no to what their children feel obliged to want, then they should get the hell out of the county while they still can.'
The Only way is Essex 'star' Amy Childs derided Dr Wrights suggestion, claiming that Essex had made her everything she had become.
'She is talking rubbish.'
'If it wasn't for Essex I would probably never have had a boob job, let alone performed a blow job by the age of 14.'
'I couldn't afford to have missed that crucial part of my education.'