Written by Brett Taylor
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Monday, 21 November 2011

In the latest twist in the never-ending Liam Gallagher saga, the pop star is reportedly suing himself, legal documents show.

The suit accuses Gallagher of flagrant prattery, unseemly arseholery, and excessive knobheadery.

The former Oasis front man has a long history of lawsuits. Last August he sued his brother Noel for inappropriate comments. The year before that he sued comedian Peter Kay for calling him a knobhead. The year before that he sued his mother for failing to read him enough bedtime stories when he was three years old.

Further back, he sued his daughter Molly for failing to live up to his expectations. He even sued the entire United States for failing to pay enough attention to him. Most notorious among music fans is the time he sued John Lennon for stealing his musical style. The suit had to be abandoned when it was discovered that Lennon was dead.

Explaining this latest act of litigation, the singer said, "Let's face it. I deserve it. I am after all, a knobhead. And a whiny self-indulgent celebrity, and all of those things. So I thought, bloody hell, I'm going after myself! Let's see if I can get out of this one! Besides, there's nobody else left today. It's statistically proven that a child born in England has a 99% chance of being sued by Liam Gallagher.

"Pretty damned impressive, wouldn't you say?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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