Written by queen mudder
Print this
Topics: Doctors, NHS, Sick Note

Saturday, 19 November 2011

image for Pub landlords, kebab shop proprietors and massage parlor pros to sit on new sick note panels
Doctors' vested interests to keep up sickness numbers challenged at last

London - Stripping doctors of the tedious duty of writing sick notes has been approved by the Government.

From next month independent panels of local specialists will be in charge of signing off sickness benefit candidates in a long awaited clampdown on system abuse.

Commenting on the decision Deptford kebab shop owner Ali Babar said that harnessing unique diagnostic expertise such as his was an obvious choice:

"They're always throwing up after midnight round here, seen it all before, innit?"

Head barman at New Cross pub The Endangered Species Dave Skank agreed 'because publicans are reliable observers of human woe' especially at throwing out time.

The government proposals would see NHS sick note pen pushers relegated to basic quackery duties to stem the tide of mass sickness benefit culture scams.

"Stands to reason, dunnit?" head masseuse at a New Cross 'sauna' added.

"Doctors' vested interests have kept up the sickness numbers unlike honest local pros, like me!

"Wanna quick rubdown for that hernia-prone swelling? Twenty quid should fix it, mate."

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 5?

6 3 14 25
47 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more