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Thursday, 17 November 2011

image for Borders control scandal: Theresa May gave green light to borders blunder
Jaymin Fez says he's looking forward to his new life somewhere on the South Coast

THERESA May gave the green light to the relaxation of border controls which may have allowed criminals and extremists into Britain. And further shocking revelations today show that, in an unprecedented demonstration of 'Christmas Goodwill' Border Officials have been given two weeks extra holiday over the busy Christmas/New Year period.

Border Officer Cliff Edge told us, "There will be positively no controls between Christmas Eve and the 4th January. Every air and sea port will have signs put up saying, 'Season's Greetings - Welcome to the United Kingdom', and a free bus shuttle service will be set up to transfer those arriving to the nearest train stations."

The news has caused a stir amongst the more right wing elements in Government. M.P. Nick Griffin told us, "I'm getting sick and tired of all these immigrants coming to this country and working 100 hour weeks to set up successful business ventures that decent British folk could have set up, if only they had thought of them and had the drive and ambition to come off the dole."

And cabbie Hans Goebbels told us, "I've had enough of this country. I think I'm going to emigrate to Australia. They don't let fucking immigrants in over there. I wouldn't mind immigrants if they came over here and actually did some work instead of taking all of our jobs."

Border Control personnel in Calais, who currently clock off at 6pm every day, are relaxing even their 'on-duty' hours, and are being encouraged to behave 'more like travel agents and Tourist Information staff', handing out visitor packs and thermos flasks of hot tea to travellers.

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