Liberal Democrat spokesman for 'Good Things and Pretty Colours', Mark Oaten (41), was outed today when 23 year old rent boy, Denis 'the Rod' Man, accidentally fingered him as one of his clients.
Oaten, renowned for his hair (which is teased into place each morning by a team of woodlice), was previously best known for his appearance on Celebrity University Challenge, when he revealed himself to be one of the least well-read, but most inarticulate, men in the United Kingdom. However, despite this coup for the Liberal Democrasts, who have successfully mastered the art of filling endless television hours with light entertainment, Oaten has now fallen far from the heights of mid-evening BBC2 quiz shows to find himself caught up in a political scandal.
After apologizing to his constituents and family, in what was generally regarded to be a slightly fay manner, he initially tried to pass off the accusations as 'an error of judgement'. However, as an error of judgement is usually regarded as painting the hallway pastel green so it looks like dry vomit under artificial light, or buying an expensive leather jacket on holiday only for it to suddenly sprout ridiculous 1970's style lapels when you get it home, it seems that meaningless wordage is not going to be enough to save his career on this occasion.
Denis 'the Rod' Man accidentally outed Oaten when musing on the possibility of marriage with the low profile MP after the recent change to the law recognised the validity of same-sex unions. Unfortunately, Denis mused on this possibility while performing as Michael Barrymore's whipping boy on popular television treat Big Brother, watched by over 65 million UK residents.
Liberal Democrat spokesman Sir Mingles 'Minty' Cambell later stated that 'this sort of thing is all very well for the Tories, but we are the liberal party where any indication of a transgressive, alternative, lifestyle or broadminded attitude to sexual mores is strongly frowned upon. This isn't about choice you know! We got rid of that piss-head last week and now its time to ditch the fags! Name and shame, I say, NAME AND SHAME!!'