Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 13 November 2011

image for Ugly hats on even uglier wannabe divas mar annual Cenotaph parade
She started it - by shooting her very own endangered species for a fetching 'trim'

London - Roadkill millinery enthusiasts are having none of it, of course, but today's display of hideous royal headgear nearly cracked Outside Broadcasting camera lenses at the annual Whitehall memorial service.

"At least Prince Andrew's gargoyle daughters weren't there to lower the tone beyond already plummeting depths," Sequin Lametta, fashion editor at LA HagFagSlagMag.con's London desk commented at lunchtime.

Apparently Bea and 'Eugenics' were locked up inside a government broom cupboard just before the service began after trying to gatecrash the ceremonial parade.

Courtiers have long suspected the two pampered royal irrelevancies will soon be locked up in a lunatic asylum - much like the Queen Mother's 'insane' sisters Nerissa and Katherine Bowes Lyon.

The hapless siblings were hastily packed off to the looney bin in 1941 for daring to say that 'Hitler' was British thriller writer Edgar Wallace - something that's protected by ancient Brit secrecy laws.

Today's televised pageant saw scrawny Kate Middleton don a daftish Princess Anus-style felt hat while Camilla sported a live, fluffed-up turkey on her $5,000 black fedora.

The cost of this increasingly stupid headgear will be borne by the taxpayer who is likely to be making downpayments on the government overdraft until well into the next century.

Prince Philip's colostomy bag is now full to bursting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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