London - Funded by 'donations' and run by a 'charitable trust' the proposed £80?million royal yacht would be armed with torpedoes, helicopter gunships, a miniature nuclear submarine and armed patrol guards.
"How very quaint," Royal Navy admiral in charge of the Special Boat Service Sir Horace Barnacle commented this morning.
"Any idea which 'charity' will be put in charge of weaponry on board this new yacht?
"Because if it's some sort of fly-by-night johnnies like Greenpeace or Amnesty the public should be reminded that both not-for-profit organizations are classed as terrorist organizations by NATO, the CIA and a host of other security agencies."
The high ranking officer also slammed the UK paper's daft fantasy that operational costs including weapons operating staff salaries could be met from charitable donations.
"Whatever next? Royal Navy ballistic submarine payrolls to be financed by Oxfam? I can just see the commanding officer of our top nuclear sub HMS Astute having to ask for a Hyde Park benefit concert to pay for the next round of Vanguard Class torpedoes, haha."
A spokesperson for the Daily Fascist said today there was 'nothing intrinsically wrong' with charity shop workers manning the proposed new royal yacht's guns just as long as they completed some adequate training.
But Palace sources say that might not be necessary 'because all onboard weaponry is remote controlled from Whitehall' anyway.
Prince Philip is 107.