Written by Nick Hobbs
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Thursday, 10 November 2011

image for Immigration Officials Shut Down Death Star
The Death Star, teeny little vulnerable hole.

The Empire has been thrown in to turmoil this week, as immigration officers from a combined league of Border Agencies, stormed the battle station 'Death Star', as it orbited planet Earth.

Wojtek Brzezinski of the UK Border Agency told us "our officers received a tip off, from an unknown source, who identified the closely orbiting Death Star as a possible home to illegal workers."

The agency teamed up with US and European border control divisions, in what commentators are calling 'a combined and unified effort', to stamp out illegal workers and to stem the flow of employers mistreating their employees.

When officials gained access to the 400,000 tonne monstrosity, they were shocked at what they found.

"Working conditions were terrible", said Wangugu Akii-Bua of the French Border agency "people were sleeping three to a hammock, and there was dirt and mess everywhere."

It is estimated that over 96% of construction workers seized had no official papers, and some were clearly using falsified documentation.

We spoke to Emperor Palpatine, Director of Empire Holdings PLC and personal advisor to The Empire's board of directors, who was on vacation in the Lentico Belt at the time of the raid, who told us "These charges are heinous. The Empire employed these workers from a legitimate source. It was not the will of the Dark Side to validate papers. We will be seeking answers from our contractors, and if we are not satisfied, then we will strike them down with all our anger!"

But Yong Yi, spokesman for the US Department of Immigration, said "we find it hard to swallow that a corporation the size of the Empire would not check and double check the background of those in their employ, sub-contracted or not! Responsibility rests with the Empire, and the Empire alone!"

When we confronted site manager, and chief advisor to Palpatine, Mr Darth Vader, and asked him did the Empire feel responsible for the treatment of it's staff, he simply told us "your lack of faith disturbs me."

He refused to be drawn further.

Operations at the site have been suspended, and work is not expected to resume until full investigations, both internally and externally, have been concluded.

The Empire is said to be losing over 1 billion Imperial Credits a day, while the site is closed.

Make Nick Hobbs's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 5?

9 5 10 18
71 readers are online right now!

Go to top