Written by Deafo
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Friday, 4 November 2011

Three former Pakistani internationals Cricketers jailed for their part in an elaborate conspiracy to elevate their sport from tedious to only slightly less tedious, have declared their intent to appeal against the decision.

Former captain Salman Butt, ex-World number two Test bowler Mohammad Asif and bowler Mohammad Amir revealed in a joint-statement their 'disgust' that their 'well intended' endeavours to bowl no-balls resulted in being incarcerated at facilities that would quickly expose the limitations of 'groin-guards'.

A representative of Butt's legal counsel, Rupert Berch, felt the guilty verdict had crossed a line even a Pakistani bowler's leading leg would refuse to cross as the controversy interested people who wouldn't normally have pissed on the sport if the steam were to be used to press their trousers.

He told a media scrum outside court, 'To suggest the three professional sportsmen in question even considered it possible to lift the tedium of the 5-day cricket match by doing something on the field of play remotely entertaining clearly exposes the flaws at the very heart of the prosecution case against them.'

'The only entertainment is surely here, in the court room.'

'Had such an error of judgement displayed by the presiding judge in this case been on the cricket field, he would undoubtedly have had several tens of thousands of pounds in cash emboldening the interior of his dressing room locker.'

Judge and cricket fan, Mr Justice Cooke, said the game would forever be tainted by the scandal.

"To think young and upcoming cricketers from poorer regions playing England have had their chances of making a few quid through bowling no-balls removed from them, is a horrible thought.'

'Its how we got to number 1.'

'Now they'll actually be aiming for the wicket.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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