Government proposals which could see a three-year trial of 'double-summertime' have caused uproar in Scotland after its inhabitants realised the changes could see their early morning search for the entrance of their local public house conducted in pitch black.
Scotland's First Minister, Alex Salmond, said he would stand as resolutely as is possible with his inebrieated countrymen to ensure they continued to have enough early morning light to locate the entrance of their local establishment.
He told reporters, 'The proposal which would see the UK adopt Central European Time, with BST plus one hour in summer and GMT plus one in winter, is wholly unworkable from a Scottish perspective.'
'It not only threatens our farmers, but the very core of Scottish culture, where being blind drunk on the way out of the pub is firmly embraced.'
'But to be visually impaired when seeking to find the entrance at 8am in the morning is a simply ludicrous volte-face, and one which we will not tolerate.'
Salmond went on to illustrate the extent of the problems that could be caused by the changes.
'Additionally, the extra hour or two of light in the evening will pose a significant threat to the mental health of the population.'
'Can you imagine of an evening when you were actually able to see the face of the person who is firing in your direction the very worst kind of sectarian abuse.'
'There is a real danger that they have a good enough description of you to actually get you arrested.'
'It's a disgrace.'