Written by IainB
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Friday, 28 October 2011

image for Pizza declared a 'Human right'
A basic human right (Olives optional).

The UK government has voted unanimously to award pizza in the same category as somewhere to live, clean water, broadband and education by naming it as a basic human right.

"Pizza is truly the world's best food," said government Health Minister and Downing Street cat, Mr Pickles. "Although some people may have an allergy to tomatoes or an intolerance to the wheat in the base or the milk in the cheese, they would still eat a pizza if they could. It puts the gorge in gorgeous. Vegetarians, carnivores, even those that actually like sweetcorn can be catered for with a pizza."

According to Mr Pickles, such is the nutritional content and universal appeal of pizzas they deserve special mention in order to make them a basic human right.

"Nobody should be denied a pizza if they want one," said Pickles. "We will be removing all tax on pizzas and ensuring that every school dinner contains at least one pizza."

Pizza manufacturers are being urged to produce a lactose-free, gluten-free, tomato-free pizza suitable for vegetarians in order to allow even the most marginalised access to this manna.

"Pizza delivery companies will be given special tax-breaks to ensure that they do not pay duty on petrol or diesel," said Pickles. "We hope that this measure will ensure that they can provide free-delivery."

Domin-Hut are to produce a new pizza in Eric Pickles honour called the Pickled Pizza. The actual toppings are currently a closely guarded secret, but the general rumours are that it will be high in fat.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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