It's official! Dorking has overtaken London, Milan, Paris, and New York as the fashion capital of the world. The sleepy Surrey commuter belt town has wowed fashionistas the world over with its avante garde approach to fashion,
"It isn't all about being gay, wearing pointy patent leather shoes, a big fuck off sombrero, a swirling gaberdine cape with red velvet lining, and fending off imaginary foes with a fencing foil of the ultra-flexible variety - it's all about being cool, aloof, and dignified in the face of adversity," explained Dorking designer, John Gallonobeero.
It appears that it's all the rage in Dorking these days to don the gear and join your mates up the High Street, performing the 'Gay Dork' dance, high kicking and Ole!-ing your head off.
As the town crier rings his bell and reads passages from that milestone in literary history, which will be forever a part of the fabric of Dorking - The Dorking Review.
It's a phenomenon that isn't solely confined to Dorking these days either. Chapters of Dork Dancing fashionistas have sprouted up in such unlikely locations as Leatherhead, Dagenham, Hull, Burnley, Belfast, Newport and Govan in Glasgow.
The sombrero wearing, cape twirling, foil thrusting set have formed themselves into a gang of Hell's Angelesque 'Chapters' calling themselves 'The Gay Dorkadillos,' and their numbers are steadily increasing.
Only this morning, during the rush hour, 'The Gay Dorkadillos' formed an impromptu flash mob outside Tie Rack on London's Waterloo Station concourse.
"These guys are amazing!" commuter, Solomon Cathcart enthused. "I mean, what could possibly brighten an otherwise mundane day up, like a bunch of outlandishly dressed blokes, high kicking, cape twirling and waving swords about? And shouting Ole! It's magic! And all this outside Tie Rack!"
In the interests of balanced reporting, it has to be said that affection for The Gay Dorkadillos doesn't appear to have been universal. CBS TV in the USA showed the clip of the flashmob to a fat guy wearing a wig and dungarees, sitting on a porch, whittling.
"They're gay," Preston Seersucker, of Hog Jaw, Arkansas remarked.
The CBS reporter pointed out that the whole point of The Gay Dorkadillos, is that they're slightly unhinged, a little flambuoyant, and that they are proud of their collective devil may care attitude.
"They're gay," responded Preston Seersucker grimly.
The CBS reporter explained that the whole point of The Gay Dorkadillos was that they were celebrating their unique sense of humour, and paying homage to The Gay Dorkadillo's 'bible' - The Dorking Review.
"They're gay, and they probably stick live gerbils up their asses," Seersucker grouched.
When the CBS reporter attempted to press home his point, Seersucker produced a double-barrelled shotgun and told the man to get off his land, because he hates all that gay stuff, and regards the sombrero wearing and the bendy-sword waving as unmanly, and gay, and The Dorking Review as a Limey crock of shit.
The reporter beat a hasty retreat, as Seersucker comforted his sister on the porch in a most peculiar way. According to independent witnesses, tongues were involved.
More as we get it.
*Preston Seersucker is apparently a comedy scriptwriter for America's most popular Saturday night network humour show, and an occasional contributor to a largely ignored satirical website.