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Thursday, 27 October 2011

image for £1bn Upgrade For British Army's Generals

In a week when the government has announced a £1bn upgrade of the Army's fleet of Warrior armoured vehicles, it has also revealed that the Army is to spend a similar amount upgrading its senior officers.

Defence Secretary, Phillip Hammond explained that simply upgrading the army's battle fleet was not enough.

Mr Hammond said: "The problem is that if we upgrade the vehicles we also have to upgrade our senior officers at the same time. With the addition of better sat-navs and cd players to the vehicles, if the officers don't understand how the new technology works, they look stupid in the eyes of the vehicle's crew members and respect starts to break down."

The senior officers will be given intense training at the Army's School of Paper Generation at Warminster which will instruct them how to climb into the vehicle without injuring themselves, and how to find radio 4 on the new entertainment system.

Critics of the scheme have pointed out that as the army only has a maximum strength of 789 Warriors, and also that it has been reported in The Daily Telegraph today that: "There are almost 1,000 more trained officers on the Army payroll than the force needs to do its work" It might make sense to get rid of the excess of officers currently kicking their heels in offices throughout the system and spend the money on something else.

Like buying a few more armoured vehicles.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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