David Cameron has reportedly been 'buried in the desert' by his friends in the Conservative Party who say there is 'no bad blood' in their decision to inter Cameron in an unmarked grave.
A mistake by a policeman who mistook a 111 call for a 999 one resulted in Cameron being whisked off to a hospital 'somewhere in Europe' where he suffered a heart attack, saying in his final words 'I welcome a good debate on the subject of Europe.' Tories felt Cameron would feel at home at the scene of his greatest triumph in Libya so decided the desert was the best place for him.
Backbench Tories then blamed the European health system for failing to keep Cameron alive and said half the electorate never wanted to use NHS hospitals so they should be sold off to the highest bidder.
The markets reacted calmly to Cameron's burial. 'We have bigger problems on our hands' said one financier 'we want to pray at St Paul's Cathedral but can't get in because our health and safety might be jeopardised.'
An election to replace Cameron with another leader is set to engulf the Tories in another exercise of friendliness.