Written by IainB
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

image for Paedophiles gearing up for their national holiday
Hey! Be careful out there

Parents are warned to keep a close eye on their children this Halloween and accompany them on their Trick or Treating.

"A lot of paedophiles see Halloween as Home Delivery Night," said DI Henry Hoover of Dorking CID. "We'd like to ensure that this is not the case."

A full list of known sex offenders and their particular predilections, their so called Paedo File, will be made available on the Dorking Police website.

"We hope that providing information that Offender X likes girls aged between five and ten will mean that boys of any age or older girls can still visit for trick or treating," said Hoover. "It will also allow parents to have their children boycott certain addresses."

Hoover is quick to point out that the list only contains known sex offenders.

"New perverts are popping up all the time," he said. "We can only register them if we catch them. For this reason it is a very good idea to educate kids going out on their own to only visit people they know. For those parents taking kids around, we urge them strongly to keep counting the children after each house to ensure they still have the same number."

In an attempt to nip the problem in the bud, Hoover has asked that all shops selling sweets make a note of any single men buying large quantities of chocolate.

"Bound to be up to no good," said Hoover. "Most single men turn the lights off and pretend to be out on Halloween. I know I do."

Dorking Mum's Net co-ordinator, Julie Ann Calendar, believes that Hoover is overreacting.

"Hoover is playing into the mass media paranoia," she said. "Whilst these predators are dangerous if you look at the actual numbers and not the Daily Mail, there are very few predators sat waiting behind their doors for innocent children rocking up with plastic pumpkin buckets. Be aware yes, but don't let it spoil your holiday."

Make IainB's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 4?

6 14 2 12

Go to top