Doctors have warned of the latest threat to our health, dubbed euroscepticimia or euro for short. At the moment the disease is spreading rapidly through the British population and a cull has been suggested by the 'Sun' to deal with the menace effectively.
A protest movement 'Friends of Euroscepticimia' has been penned into a small area of Trafalgar Square for a week and Buckingham Palace has declared that it must close as a result because of 'health and safety fears'.
In an address to the Nation David Cameron, speaking in French, said the spread of euro through the country could only be stopped by standing up to the Greeks and telling where to but their Elgin Marbles.
Ed Miliband has called on the Government to do something about the crisis of capitalism and has put forward a scheme to save the world.
Our political pundit advises those with money to change it into Gold as soon as possible and climate change means we shall all be sinking into the Thames shortly.
Meanwhile West Ham have a key match tonight.