Gypsy curses, black magick rituals, the hex....malevolent spirits running wild. It's the UK's hottest story right now.
"It's all stuff and nonsense is that," a man identified as 'Dead Uncle Albert' by Italian spirit guide, Rugieri Marconi declared. "These malevolent spirits don't just set about somebody...they have to be...summoned..."
Which appears to be fair comment, because these forces aren't vindictive - in fact, they're quite benign...according to sources.
Lord Caernarvon came a cropper when he messed about with dark forces when he discovered the tomb of Tutankhamun, but there really is no credence in the notion that if somebody casts a spell on you, then your life will suddenly go tits up. It's just a myth. Apparently.
Experts advise that you just proceed about your daily business as usual. And don't worry about any of the weird aside shit that happens.
Reports of ectoplasmic manouevres appear to have been greatly exaggerated by practitioners of the dark arts.
"We never said nuffink," said Voodoo High Priest Warrior, Fred Maltby, of Notting Hill. "What happens, happens mate. If somebody has a bad day...hardly my fault, is it? Not that I mean to sound sinister in any way, but some people are just so superstitious...look at me...I wouldn't hurt a fly."
Readers of a malevolent, unruly and disruptive disposition are hereby given notice that any mishaps you may encounter, and there are sure to be many, are purely of your own design. You do not have a gypsy spell on you. Honestly.
Another one bites the dust...
More as they curse them.