After the frantic excitement of the last few days, when the world held its breath as to the identity of the 'mystery brunette' snogged by Prince Harry in the USA, we can report that the Royal boy has been making up to another 'mysterious' lady, also with dark hair! It would seem, then, that Harry has outgrown his taste for suntanned blondes, and followed in his brother's more mature footsteps.
We asked a reliable witness to the latest sexy goings-on, who asked to be named only as I.M. Unnone, for details of the Prince's conquest.
"Well, she had a lot of black hair," he said, "though I have to say quite a bit of it was on her face."
What? When prompted, he explained further that the lady in question was generally rather hirsute, but that the hair on her head was very thick,if not as long as the UK's beloved Duchess.
Mr. Unnone,could you tell us exactly what went on? Importantly, were tongues involved?
"Erm," said our witness, hesitating, "it was hard to say."
Ah, you couldn't get close enough?
"No. No, it wasn't that," he continued. "It was rather that she clambered on top of him and - kind of pinned him to the deck,as it were. So it was difficult to see, what with all that face hair squashing him."
We can see that. Anything more to report?
Mr. Unnone then told us that at one point he distinctly heard a quite sweet and clear Scottish voice crying out: "Harry, my love! My Prince has come! Och, Harry,I've fancied you for ever! Ech, you're mine now!Mine and Pebbles'!"
The mystery is solved, we think. As the exhausted Prince was dragged away by pals, the lady surely would have revealed herself. None other than Susan Boyle!
Indeed,this was the dream she dreamed. But for Harry? Let's not go there.