Written by Esmerelda11
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Saturday, 22 October 2011

image for Her Maj Meets Giantess and Phil Balls It Up!
Queen Elizabeth the Second

The seven-feet tall wondergirl towered over our own Queen Elizabeth the Second as the tiny, 'delicate' monarch peered up at this figure, which must surely have appeared to Her Royal Majesty as some sort of giant thundercloud.

It was explained to the puzzled Queen that this lofty creature was in fact an Australian women's champion basketball player.

"Ah!" exclaimed the monarch, with a keen intelligence. "You're jolly tall. It must be very easy for you, then, just popping the ball into the net!"

The large lady laughed obediently.

"Ho, ho, ho, Ma'am! You are so right! On the ball, in fact!"

Scribbling journalists frantically recorded this epic exchange, whilst one of the Queen's entourage muttered quietly "basket".

"How dare you!" Her Majesty took a firmer grip on that empty handbag, and glared at the unfortunate man. "The lady is not mad. She is a very talented sportswoman. One is very pleased to see her. Even if it does strain one's neck something terrible."

In vain the adviser stammered his explanation: "One puts the ball in the basket, not the net -" but was interrupted by another putdown from our astute Royal.

"One is the only one who may use 'one', one would like to point out. Behead him!"

The Queen was then hurried on to the next hand to shake (a two foot three inch midget jockey) and the Regal neck was strained again. Meanwhile, Prince Philip cosied up to the sporty giantess, and was heard to wheeze in her direction, "I say, old girl, would you care to dunk my balls in your basket?"

All in all, the Royal tour is deemed to be resounding success.

"We like Liz's talking straight from the shoulder," commented one Oz bystander. "She tells it like it is - takes you right back to the good old days of hanging for stealing a chicken, and all that. And as for Phil's sense of humour - well, it's just fair dinkum!"

The visit will end with a ceremonial climbing of Ayres Rock by the Queen and her consort. Bookies are doing brisk business as to which of the Royal pair will reach the top first - and whether Phil will get his rocks off. Watch this space.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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