Written by Dogooder Dave
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Thursday, 12 January 2006

image for Ruth Kelly to Face Grilling by MPs Over Allowing Children In Schools
Ignored by colleagues, Mr Kelly pleads for one last chance

Trouble is brewing for Education Secretary and man about town, Mr Ruth Kelly, as he admits sanctioning, the dangerous move, of allowing children to attend United Kingdom scholastic establishments.

Beleagured Mr Kelly, already under fire for Labour's proposed education reforms, is believed to have personally sanctioned approximately ten million children to put the lives and peace of mind of teachers and ancillary staff at risk, by approving their attendance at schools around the country.

In response to rigorous questioning from opposition MPs, Kelly shockingly admitted that children as young as five years of age have been allowed to disrupt the routines of the nation's esteemed educators.

Steve Sin-Nott, General Secretary of teacher's trade union, N.U.T, commented "Our members have a hard enough time as it is, being at their place of work betweeen 9am and 3.30pm five days a week for forty weeks of the year but this expecting them to deal with these ignorant infants, is a scandal."

A tear running down his cheek Sin-Nott's voice breaking, he continued falteringly "Our members already have the rigours of sorting out who failed to bring in the biscuits for morning break and the mug washing rota to contend with. How on earth, what with worrying about the rising cost of leather elbow patches and removing chalk marks from crimplene suits, can they hope to get to the end of the academic year and stagger to the travel agents for advice on where they can spend their two month summer breaks, never mind organise City Break weekends at Easter and Autumn vacations with these brats getting under their feet and all the nuisance factor that brings ?".

Former Prime Minister and one time Education Secretary herself, Baroness Margaret Thatcher of Milkstealing commented "We were aware that some scally scum were getting into schools during our Days of Glorious Rule. Our master plan, to eradicate their evil infiltrations, was pushed forward with the removal of all forms of nourishment in an effort to at least weaken their bones, if not lead to their eventual death, as good King Herod would have proudly sought to achieve in his day."

With calls reverberating around the corridors of Westmister, for Mr Kelly to consider his position it is believed that plans are being drawn up to counter the terrorist actions of Great Britain's school children and their evil war against teachers.

It is thought one such plan, involves introducing child murderers and paedophiles to stalk the corridors of schools up and down the country to ensure that these miniature monsters and their wicked ways are driven off the nation's playgrounds leaving terrified teachers to get on with the lives they so richly deserve.

Rid of their tormentors, they will be able to dunk their Hob Nobs in cups of tea and complete their crossword puzzles in peace, safe in the knowledge that when the bell tolls, they will not be crushed by hordes of children demanding to drain their brains of knowledge only to eventually grow up and take over the world.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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