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Friday, 14 October 2011

image for Oliver Letwin, the phantom rubbish bin thrower of olde London Town...
Oliver Letwin, rubbish trail in the London Parks.

Westminster, LONDON: For years, Oliver Letwin, the Conservative MP has been hiding a secret. Many have known about it, but have not been able to disclose the details. Some have tried, but these details have been binned in public parks all over London...

For years, in the London parks, there have findings of tonnes of official letters, some said to deal with intelligence and counter-terrorism. So much so, that members of the KGB, CIA, Stasi have become environmental waste 'minders' in the central London parks. The Metropolitan Police have had to break up fights between the spies from other nations.

Papers have reportedly been correspondence from other ministers, fellow MPs, and constituents, including letters containing personal details of constituents, including home addresses and telephone numbers. Mr Letwin is said to have routinely taken the papers to read when he went on early morning walks around the park, which is overlooked by the Cabinet Office on Whitehall.

Oliver Letwin was photographed on five days last month and this month, reading papers in St James Park then disposing of the documents in bins. These photographs were reportedly taken by the intelligence authorities from another Country and then disclosed via a posting on Facebook...

Oliver Letwin, the Cabinet Office minister, is facing questions about abandoning scores of official documents in park waste bins, but then it is understandable considering the amount of waste the UK Government generates...

Oliver Letwin has made this statement;

"I have been diagnosed with Repetitive Rubbish Syndrome (RRS), a little known addiction, where those affected feel the need to throw all paper work in a bin. Without realising its underlying root causes, I filled all the bins up in the Government Offices and it got so bad, I had to search the London Parks for empty bins. I have been invited to become Life President of the Repetitive Rubbish Syndrome Association (RRSA), which I have gratefully accepted. I will dedicate my life to the Repetitive Rubbish Syndrome Association (RRSA) in searching for a cure to this little known condition.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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