The religions of the world are finally united thanks to a change in the definition of the word religion in the latest edition of the Oxford English Dictionary.
The new definition reads:
Religion (N): Any one of a set of delusional belief systems based on a mythical supreme being that are self contradictory and mutually exclusive, indoctrinating closed minded adherents and creating a spectrum of believers from fundamentalists to fringe.
"It is an atrocity," said Rowan Williams, the current beard wearing incumbent for the Archbishop of Canterbury. "It is insulting in virtually every word in it's definition, and we will be having a book burning this Saturday."
Muslim clerics, Jewish Rabbis and the Pope have joined forces for the first time in the history of religion to castigate the foremost authority on the English language in the world.
"We think they are being a little over-sensitive," said Richard Dawkins, who was guest editor on the latest edition. "To be fair, I approached Archbishop Rowan and asked him for a definition of every religion other than his own. I then approached Pope Benedict and Chief Rabbi Metzger and asked them the same question. I've sent the same question to forty-five different religious leaders, and the definition that came back was remarkably similar. So I put it in."
Rowan Williams was less than impressed with Dawkins's reasoning. "I'd have sent him a different definition if I'd known he was going to apply it to the Church of England as well. We've been misled. The man takes us for fools!"