Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Topics: Chavs, Talent Show

Monday, 10 October 2011

image for Talent show winner was serial killer
Death or entertainment?

The makers of TV talent show "Britain's Chavs Will Attempt to Entertain You" were shocked when it was revealed that the winner of this year's contest was a serial killer who carried out murders on live television.

Mr Stabby, a magician, was praised throughout the competition for his gory and realistic stunts. In particular, his use of large amounts of apparently fake blood delighted audiences. On the first week, he sawed a woman in half with a chainsaw, and drew gasps and applause from the apparent realism of the spectacle. Judge Simon Cockface admitted at the time that he had no idea how the trick was done. Mr Stabby progressed to the following round with ease.

In his next appearance, he performed a knife throwing trick in which he acted drunk and pretended that the stunt went "hilariously wrong". One of the knives entered his assistant's heart and she apparently died on stage. However, the audience were now used to the shock of his act, and they cheered enthusiastically.

It was only in the final stages of the series that TV show bosses began to get suspicious, when Mr Stabby invited an audience member onto the stage and decapitated her with a guillotine. The audience member's boyfriend complained when she did not return at the end of the show, and thought that perhaps she had been busy cleaning up. The show began an investigation after that, and soon realised that not only had Mr Stabby used a different assistant every week but that every one of them had gone missing.

The show came to its famous controversial end with the live final a few months ago. Mr Stabby won by performing a re-enactment of the Rwanda genocide by beheading three Tutsis with a machete. The stunt was described as "breath-taking" and "very entertaining", the audience roared with excitement, and it looked likely that Mr Stabby would get to perform the same stunt in front of The Queen at the Royal Variety Performance next year. However, the police were by now deep into their investigation and banned Mr Stabby from performing any more.

Mr Stabby is now in prison facing a long jail term and it is unlikely he will be back on our screens again. TV show producer and judge Simon Cockface said, "It's a shame really, as it's unlikely we'll ever have any acts as exciting as that again."

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