Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Monday, 10 October 2011

image for EU Bans Christmas Wrapping Paper
Sticky tape comes in many different colours

Tough new regulations from Brussels coming in today aren't only to do with toy safety. They also mean that from now on it will be illegal to wrap up Christmas presents with paper.

"Paper cuts can be very serious," explained a EU spokesperson. "Children are especially at risk at Christmas because they are naturally excited when coming to open their presents on Christmas morning. They tear at the wrapping paper in a frantic rush to get to the presents inside the boxes, and as a result many children suffer terrible paper cuts requiring emergency hospital treatment."

They argue that this spoils Christmas for both the child and the worried parents, and places additional strain on the doctors and nurses on duty at the A&E hospital departments, who are already overstretched with trying to save the lives of the thousands of people who'd been out in the pubs and bars on Christmas Eve enjoying themselves a little too much.

As an alternative to the dangerous paper wrapping the EU spokesperson suggests people instead use pretty coloured plastic bags when wrapping up the Christmas presents.

"A small strip of sticky tape can easily be used to hide the nature of the contents from the eyes of those who are to receive the presents, and can be bought in many different pretty colours. And by using plastic bags and pretty sticky tape instead of paper when wrapping up the presents will of course help to save our rain forests."

The spokesperson says there are no plans at present to ban the use of string throughout the EU.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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