The Home Secretary has today announced a new initiative in partnership with Cat Protection, the UK domestic feline charity.
From next year, all immigration centres will have their own catteries to help immigrants with no other excuse for staying in the UK apart from Department for Work and Pension handouts and Mobility vehicles. Oh, and their rent paid for by local councils. And free school meals. And clothing allowances.
Any immigrant who lands in the UK, will, through an interpreter, be able to claim a cat and thus guarantee their domiciliary rights in the UK.
Both Cat from EastEnders and the effervescent but quite useless Cat Deeley were unavailable for comment.
However, Larry, the No. 10 Downing Street cat said this initiative was purrfect and that he was glad the Government got its claws into the problem and didn't paws with any of its promises.