Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, was left literally reeling today, after a book signing for the phenomenally best selling 'The Dorking Review' went horrendously awry.
Arriving home after a lengthy session in the pub, Shuttlecock sat down in front of his webcam with the intention of telling the world how wonderful he is, and how he's just about the best thing since sliced bread.
Which of course is a right load of old bollocks.
Thinking he was being really clever, and flushed with the acrid odour of his new found success, a somewhat smug Shuttlecock casually dismissed his long suffering wife Anne's complaints that he was eight hours late for dinner.
Until she pushed a plate full of spag-bol in his face, and then lifted his pork pie hat, and dumped a shedload of spaghetti on his head.
Video footage showed Shuttlecock in a state of shock and awe, as he wore his dinner on his head. Looking like a right cunt.
"It's not fucking right, this," a fuming Shuttlecock remarked. "She had no right doing that to me. I'm fucking covered in tomato sauce and there's fucking spaghetti all over the shop. And me pork pie hat's been fucked into oblivion! The cow! I'd divorce the bitch if I could live without her!"
Long suffering wife, Anne, said:
"He's been intolerable lately, after The Dorking Review, he thinks he's a big star! Big star my arse! Quite frankly, I don't think I'll ever understand why I consented to marry the arrogant wanker."
Divorce proceedings could be imminent...
More as we get it.