Written by Captain Loogie
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Monday, 9 January 2006

After Charles Kennedy's weekend resignation from the Liberal Democrat leadership. Former leader, Paddy Ashdown, a magical leprechaun, has thrown his weight behind Ming the Merciless to succeed the position.

Lord Ashdown said that as leader Ming, evil Emperor of planet Mongo, would "restore a sense of purpose and unity to the party, and finally solve Britain's growing Flash Gordon problem", was the right person to take the party forward.

His Mercilessness is thus far the only candidate to challenge Sir Minzes Campbell for the leader ship. Sources from insides Ming's Mingo based HQ state that Ming is looking forward to competing with the former Olympic sprinter and destroying him with a robot or death-ray or something.

Emperor Ming can count on the support of at least one quarter of LibDem MPs, the population of home planet Mongo (and countless other enslaved worlds across the galaxy) plus party elders including Lord Ashdown.

When questioned about Emperor Ming's leadership potentially former leader Charles Kennedy told reporters that Ming would be "excellent in most areas, the only area I'd have concern with would be..." Kennedy was then instantly vaporised by a laser beam which appeared to emanate from the direction of an attending robot who had disguised himself by wearing a fake beard and feeling love.

Some of the Emperor's henchmen, minions and underlings still hope that the party will opt against an election and unite around Ming in a Tory style coronation, however Ming has been quoted as being "bored" of coronations, "that's all that ever happens at home, conquer this world, conquer that one, then always a coronation, I'm so pissed off with coronations." Ming went on, "oh, and if you mean the flower, then yes. There's nothing I like more than a flower from my sweetie. PATHETIC EARTH MAN".

In other news,
NYC - A hard-boiled private investigator has won a gritty, inner-city street basketball tournament, and in the process learned the true meaning of Christmas, 11 months early.

RIO, Brazil - A flamboyantly gay hairdresser has grow 50 times in size and gone on a destructive rampage with the help of the ghost of Elvis.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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