Written by Jack Leonard
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Thursday, 6 October 2011

A leaked report claims that MI6's role in the illicit transport of terror suspects was actually a misguided attempt to help people achieve their dreams of becoming the next Olly Murs.

Far from being complicit in the torture of those deemed a threat to Western freedom, intelligence officers believed they were delivering their charges to X Factor boot camp. It appears that security forces willingly handed the suspects over to evil regimes after a misunderstanding involving the word 'Rendition'. Unfortunately, rather than become feted popstars, these men went on to have a fair amount of electricity pumped through their genitals.

"When we found out the truth," said an MI6 silhouette, "we were as shocked as anyone. Obviously we are a little to blame, but it was an easy mistake to make. After all, I'm pretty sure I heard Louis Walsh describe a young boy's version of 'I Will Survive' as an extraordinary rendition." When asked why no one questioned the fact that the men were being secretly flown to their destination in the dead of night, the shadow remained unrepentant. "We assumed they were being hidden from baying fans," he claimed, "and the latter stage contestants end up in LA, Spain or Ireland, so why not Libya?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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