Manchester - A rather flea-bitten mog with iffy ratting credentials is all that stands between David Cameron and immediate repatriation Home Secretary Theresa May has told the Conservative Conference.
The 60-something politician - known as Cat Woman to Cabinet colleagues due to her penchant for leopard print heels and matching unmentionables - said the PM is sitting pretty because 'daft' EU legislation like the Human Frights Act means we can't deport him back to Bloodyvostock where he and Nick Clegg belong.
Countless former PMs had used the ruse, of course, with Margaret Thatcher taking the kitty biscuit over her 'cleavage' to Humphrey.
But the ploy has become something of a Cameron artform following heartfelt TV appearances with the tabby ratter which regularly pull on the nation's heartstrings before Adult Watershed Time.
Explaining the reviled legislation Mrs May said the Act's Article 8 about the right to a family life is central to the argument preventing deportation of undesirables - whose domestic responsibilities may also include the care of other dependants such as, er...cockroaches.
A spokesperson for Larry said today he didn't really give a monkeys about who provided his board and lodging and if the Coalition Government didn't get its act together pretty damned quick 'he'd be off down the road to join some classy neighbors in Lord North Street'.
Ken Clarke is 69.