Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was left reeling last night, when he returned home from work, only to find that he is not actually a real person, and even more devastatingly, to discover that not only is his name not actually his own, but that it was invented by somebody else.
"Does this mean that I'm not me?" a tearful Shuttlecock sobbed. "Or is it even worse than that? Does it really mean that I don't exist at all? That I'm just a figment of somebody else's imagination?"
A clearly disturbed Shuttlecock retreated to the kitchen and cracked a cold one, to assist him in digesting this latest revelation. After which he cracked another, at which point he explained:
"I was reading that clips website's comments, and somebody on there stated that my name isn't my own, and that it was the invention of some genius American comedy writer. I've no idea what that's all about."
At his wits end, a clearly distraught Shuttlecock called himself on his own mobile phone, but was unable to contact his alter-ego - Skoob 1999, as he got a message saying you can't call yourself on your own phone. There would be no point. In a last desperate effort, Shuttlecock attempted to call one of his few remaining cyber Farcebook friends, Wonkey Moods, but Moods couldn't talk because he was busy travelling home from work on a Bankok bus, although he did promise to call back later.
Following an anxious wait, Shuttlecock received a call from a lady in Texas, who explained that she may be able to assist him in resolving the problem.
"Don't worry about it," the caller said. "I recall you once wrote a story on a satirical website using a name which was created by another writer. You followed the correct procedure by asking the writer concerned if it would be okay for you to use that name, and permission was granted. You used it because you thought it was a very funny character name. For some reason, it tickled your funnybone. The funny name, which you "borrowed," with permission, was 'Skip Wiffleball,' which is identical to the name 'Martin Shuttlecock' in that it contains some letters. Other than that, it's completely different. Apart from an 'h,' a 'tt,' a 'W,' an 'FF,' and some other letters and the way they're structured."
"Thank God for that," Shuttlecock sobbed. "I thought for a moment there that I was going a bit mental."
More on the vagaries of the human thought process as we get it.