Written by Big Stu
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Monday, 3 October 2011

image for Michael Barrymore first cyborg comedian?
"Strike it lucky, baby!"

Comic and television personality Michael Barrymore is attempting to revive his career with the help of cutting edge technology.

Using all of his remaining fortune, Barrymore, whose career waned after a police investigation in 2001, has begun work with the Advanced Technology Research Institute in California's famous Silicon Valley. Dr Hugo Gerber, a spokesperson for the institute has said early trials of what is being dubbed "the Six-Million Dollar Out of Court Settlement Man," are said to have been successful, but efforts to restore Barrymore's original catchphrases to their default settings are still suffering setbacks.

Dr Gerber says: "We do have some problems, such as "Awright file not found, system error at line 4563!", which resets Mr Barrymore's Genial Host mode resetting to the factory default. He then starts singing the Scarecrow song from the Wizard of Oz and smashing furniture over people in the front row. Once this software error is corrected, we are sure he can retake his place in forefront of primetime entertainment."

Winning back viewers may prove harder, although Dr Geber believes the new rocket-assisted take-off function, iPad 2 connection and downloadable one-liners will prove an instant hit. He adds: "We know about the devastating damage that Mr Barrymore's career has suffered, damage that would have been the end for many comedians, but we are not at all daunted by the huge task ahead. We can make him funnier, wittier, his material edgier. We have the technology, we can rebuild him."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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