Written by IainB
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Sunday, 2 October 2011

image for Relationship counselling for teenagers slammed
Arrrr I could be doing with some count selling, arrr, know any counts?

A new service offering relationship counselling for dating teenagers has been slammed by CHILD, the Children's Helpline In Lessoning Dependency.

"Kids make and break relationships all the time," said Hillary Capillary. "It's part of growing up, learning the ropes."

According to Capillary, children have to be allowed to make mistakes in relationships, find out what's wrong and what's right before the settle down and find Mr or Mrs Right.

"Relationship counselling will do more harm than good," said Capillary. "I'd encourage these people to think back to their own childhood and the relationships that ended. Was relationship counselling something that they needed? Or did they need the sympathy of friends and parents and a huge tub of Ben and Jerry's?"

June Summers, who has set up the relationship counselling service defends her service.

"I think back to my childhood," said Summers, 59, "and I can remember several relationships I wish I'd had counselling for. The boys were nice, but I didn't know how to behave, and I scared them away."

Kids themselves were split over whether counselling would be a good idea.

"Well, on the one hand, if it lets me get in her pants," said Callum McCallum of Dorking, "then it'd be a good thing. If I've gotta get in touch with me feelin's then they can feck off."

Chantelle Gazelle of Acton thinks relationship counselling could have helped in her previous relationship. "I'd have loved to have had some counselling when I were thirteen back with my last boyfriend. At least that way my Brandon would have his dad around."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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