Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Saturday, 1 October 2011

image for 'Standing Stones' at Famous Wiltshire Site to be moved to London!
Would a completed 'Stonehenge' have looked like this?

Following discussions with the government the famous ancient standing stones of Wiltshire's 'Stonehenge' are not going to have to be destroyed after all. Instead they are to be carefully taken down from there present site at Amesbury then relocated to a new permanent site on East London's Hackney Marshes. The idea is to have the job completed in time for the start of next summer's Olympic Games.

"Hackney Marshes is a stones throw from the Olympic park" said Prime Minister David Cameron after announcing the decision from number 10 yesterday, "so the many thousands of overseas visitors coming to watch the games next summer will also be able to visit the ancient stone circle and take some photos of them without having to take a long journey to Wiltshire. The M4 can also be hard going for drivers at that time of the year what with resurfacing work of the M4 usually taking place to coincide with Britain's summer holiday period, and the many caravans being towed along the motorway as drivers head for the Devon and Cornish resorts with their families."

Wiltshire's councillors took the decision to order the removal of the large circle of standing stones from the hill at Amesbury after a sharp eyed official at their offices in Salisbury discovered they had no records to show planning permission had ever been granted for there erection.

The original purpose of erecting the stones is uncertain, though it is now thought most likely that they were intended just as the first few stones of what would then go on to become a giant pyramid, though Wiltshire council admit there is no evidence to show the construction was then abandoned when planning permission was turned down.

"The fact remains that there are no records to show planning permission was ever granted even for the stones that are there," say Wiltshire council. "We feel that under the circumstances it would be wrong for us to make an exception in this case simply because of the long time they've already been there. Council rules clearly state that planning permission has to be obtained before erecting any intended permanent building or structure over six feet high. They are a lot higher than that, and the rules mean that these monstrous eyesores have to go."

The first of the smaller standing stones was in the process of being removed from the hill near Salisbury this morning. It is expected to be standing on it's new site on Hackney Marshes as early as tomorrow evening (Sunday). It should be clearly visible to people heading into work on Monday morning from the Essex side of London, and clearly visible to them from the flyover just after and on the opposite side from where the old Hackney greyhound stadium, now part of the Olympic Park, used to be.

Once all the old Stonehenge standing stones have been removed from the Wiltshire site the plan is to build a much needed new supermarket on the old Stonehenge hill.

"This will create much needed jobs in the area," said a Wiltshire council spokesperson, "and the new supermarket will be erecting replica plastic standing stones for any tourists to admire and take some snaps of."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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