Written by Big Stu

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Topics: Jo Brand

Friday, 30 September 2011

image for Jo Brand to be refloated this afternoon
Jo Brand in the mouth of the Humber this morning

Comedienne Jo Brand, stranded on a sandbar in the mouth of the River Humber since Wednesday night, will be refloated today.

Ms Brand, while filming for her new series Big Splash, is thought to have been chased into shallow water by a short-sighted Norwegian whaler then grounded while she was thinking of a witty comeback.

Animal rights activists have said that attempting to move her from the sandbar by force would cause more distress, and are confident she will be carried off by this evening's high tide.

If this is not successful and she cannot be moved by morning, it has been agreed that she will be humanely destroyed with a cyanide-filled eclair.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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