Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Bees, balmoral, swastika

Friday, 30 September 2011

image for Satellite spots massive swarm of vampire bees 'heading for Balmoral'
At least 100 of the pesky critters seen here hiding in HM's hat

Edinburgh - Hatched during freakish Indian Summer conditions the airborne colony was spotted by NASA amid reports of a low-flying 'swastika formation' from somewhere near the defunct Chernobyl nuclear reactor.

Enhanced imagery shows the swarm queen sporting fake Order of the Garter birthmarks on her rotund little body 'just like another Nazi swarm queen, heheh' according to Palace sources.

The sighting prompted fears of a massive sting operation this weekend by Royal Protection Racket cops whose pay packets have been decimated in the latest round of public service cuts.

"These non-Africanised insects have a weird homing instinct," the head of entombology (sic) at London Zoo said today, "and may be hybrids of a notorious blood-sucking vampire bee strain."

Apparently just one bite is enough to trigger psychotic reactions in heat-exhausted octogenarians and can cause sufferers to undergo vivid 'near death' experiences while spaced on on anti-histamines.

The colony's approach to Eastern Scotland may now see RAF jets equipped with insecticide 'cluster bombs' scrambled around Balmoral Castle airspace.

This weekend marks the traditional end of HM's Scottish holiday, an annual event utilised to update face lift requirements, dodgy dentistry and tattoo removal.

Camilla Fucker-Proles is close to bursting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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