An earthquake measuring three point seven on the Richter scale has finally achieved what several decades of political wrangling between Scottish and English politicians has been unable to do: split Scotland from England.
"The earthquake was only small," said geologist Sandy Stone. "However, it was in exactly the right place."
According to Stone, Scotland was only ever loosely attached to England and the rocks that make it up were previously attached to Florida. The impact caused England to ripple in a way we call the Pennines.
"After the break up of Pangea, Scotland came our way," said Stone. "I'm sure residents of Aberdeen would rather be in Miami on a cold January night, but they're not, thanks to continental drift."
The earthquake, which had it's epicentre just north west of Berwick on Tweed, managed to hit the lose join between the two countries, sending a ripple effect from east to west, emerging just north of Carlisle.
"All of the roads between Scotland and England have been cracked, and the sea has flooded across," said Stone. "There is now a connection between the Irish and North seas right across the country."
In places, this crack is only two inches wide, but in some places it is nearly fourteen inches wide.
"Continental drift is still happening," said Stone. "We estimate that the gap will close sometime in the next two hundred years. until then, it would be worth filling in the bits where the roads are. Unless the Scots want to throw Irn Bru over the gap."
Plaid Cymru are alleged to be attempting to set off simultaneous earthquakes in Chester and Swansea to cause Wales to snap off as well.
"That's not as likely to work," said Stone. "They'd be better off digging a ditch right up the border and letting it fill with sea water."